So, I gave up on life today... I guess Im just gonna go to profolio day, stand outside for an hour and a half and watch everyone around me get feedback while i kinda sit there wondering what the hell I'm gonna do with my life. I can't seem to get anything done ever. I don't know why. I shut down when i see things because i literaly can't see things. Everything around me is blur. And it sucks cuz now im gonna fail everything cuz i cant get anything done and nobody has anything useful to say about it except "Hey, just get it done." and then i go "i can't, i have no will power to do anything" and then they go "then just get it done." Thank you assholes who actually think that helps. It doesn't. It makes it worse.

All this is making me feel like school is NOT the best route or even an option for a route. Im just so tired of doing stuff that I'm gonna throw away. Im tired of working and not learning. Im tired of going through hell and back only to get nothing in return ;_; 4 years right? 4 years of high school and all I have to show for it is a pile of report cards.

I took a day off from school to try and get something done but all I have to show for that is the feeling that maybe school isn't for me. Or maybe it's not for me right now. I think I should take a year to get my life in check. If i even attempt college now I might end up hanging from a noose. And I can't even say that all I have to do is just get through High school, because If i do that I'll fail becaus emy stupid school gave me the hardest courses they could find even though they know I can't do it so now ive got a planet of work that I can't handle piling up on my back and now i feel like i'm drowning and suffocating and dying because my school is comprised of a bunch of monkeys and they cant seem to see that I cannot handle it all! Because no matter how many tough classes I fail they still insist on giving me harder classes so I can fail some more! ;____; I just want to get out alive and I cant even do that.

And I have unfinished work spewing out of every direction and I have NO WILL OR ENERGY to get ANY of it done. I get to school and all i want to do is go home, and when i get home all i want to do is sleep forever. Even if I apply to a college that doesn't require a portfolio, how the hell am I gonna get out of high school? -_- It's all too much to deal with. I already got into an art school too, so I think it would be best if I just go there or something, idk. I'm just really tired and I wanna throw up. I guess I'll be going to portfolio day with nothing, or maybe I'll give the illusion that i have something when In reality I have nothing. Or I'll just show them my photography crap and say that's what Im going for. Yup, time for plan C, plan C being photography, because I don't have time to be an artist, or to create the things I want to create because of the school idiots who gave me crap I can't handle. -________-